Johnny B. Cool doesn’t like the Queen

 

 

The first chapters of Stars of dust: A gift for you

 

I have many things, but they are imaginary. I can’t explain the reason why I repeat this sentence. I think it’s an unconscious trademark. And then, somehow, I need it to legitimize our speeches here at the pub.

Here at Johnny’s pub we talk a lot about music, but our discussions aren’t politically correct and they would piss off hordes of fans in delirium for one artist or another.

Generally, I bear conversations between Johnny Stand By and Johnny B. Bup because they are chefs and they talk inside the kitchen. The problem arises when Johnny B. Cool and Johnny B. Strong argue because, as waiters, they discuss where it happens, therefore, even in the hall in the presence of customers.

 

– …I like the sounds from wine cellar, I don’t like the regalty of the ones that are born in the big spaces like stadiums…

– …oh, Johnny, I don’t understand you. What do you mean?

– I mean…the Queen pissed me off, ok?

– No, no, no, B. Cool, you’re cursing…

– How would I be cursing?

– At least tell me why the Queen piss you off…

– They had that stadium sound, but if a band wanna make a cover of them and must propose the Queen in a wine cellar or in a pub, it can’t do it. Do you understand?

– No!

– In short: you can play the use of the guitar and songs with those typical stadium choirs only at the stadium. You can’t play them at the pub!

– Why?

– Why not!

– Oh…

– And we don’t talk about guitar…

– What’s wrong with Brian May’s guitar?

– What’s wrong with what?

– Yes, what’s wrong?

– Oh my God, you can’t have a critical thought, my dear B. Strong…

– I understand you don’t love Queen, but it doesn’t mean Queen are shit…

– No?

– No. And then, dear B. Cool, remember Brian May is the twenty-sixth guitarist of all time, according to Rolling Stone…

– But please: music magazines like Rolling Stone are no more reliable…

– Bah … and then, Johnny, Brian’s sounds have characterized Queen giving them that orchestral style, but you judge them only as a stadium group or big spaces…

 

– Hey, I ordered two beers half an hour ago… – says a customer sits at a table near the window.

– I know my friend, but I was defending Brian May and Queen… – B. Strong replies.

– Why, what’s wrong with Brian May and the Queen? – the customer asks.

– That’s what I was asking my co-worker…Queen are shit for him… – B. Strong concludes, indicating Johnny B. Cool.

– Hey, my friend, are you crazy? – The client asks him.

 

Johnny B. Cool looks up at the ceiling and exasperated but with a wiseacre air, he exposes his point of view to the customer: – Music must be reproducible by everyone and in everywhere. The music of Queen and Brian May isn’t reproducible in pubs, so I don’t like it.

– Who says it’s not reproducible in pubs? – the customer asks.

– I say so! – Solemnly replies Johnny B. Cool.

 

Until that time I have observed from a distance but now I think it’s time to intervene. I bring the beers to the customer: – Hey, my friend, I’ll offer them to you…

– Oh, thank you Johnny – says the customer – you didn’t have to…

– Duty…- I answer. Then, I look at Johnny B. Cool: – Can you follow me to the kitchen, Johnny?

– Ok, I already understood, Johnny…

– You too – I say to Johnny B. Strong – in the kitchen…

 

We enter into the kitchen. It’s a large and tidy environment, experienced and functional at the same time. I didn’t have a exact idea about how to furnish it, I only imagined it after reading the Banana Yoshimoto’s book.

Johnny B. Bup prepares a sauté of vegetables and Johnny Stand By kneads yeast with water and flour. Both maintain the rhythm of a blues of B. B. King coming out of the radio, turning their heads. Our arrival breaks the harmony that reigned in the kitchen few moments before.

 

– Boys: how many times do I have to repeat it? – I say to the waiters: – In dining room it’s better not to make speeches like that in front of customers!

– We get carried away – Johnny B. Strong explains – you’re right, Johnny.

– Oh yes, the fact is I can’t contain myself when it comes to pub music…- B. Cool says.

– What is pub music? – Johnny B. Bup asks intrigued, interrupting the preparation of the sautéed.

– B. Cool claims there’s pub music and stadium music – Johnny B. Strong answers.

– What the fuck does this mean? – also Johnny Stand By asks questions.

– He can’t stand the Queen, – Johnny B. Strong replies.

– Oh, well … they didn’t drive me crazy either – says Stand By.

– Do you see I’m not the only one? – says Johnny B. Cool to Johnny B. Strong.

– But I didn’t understand the difference between pub music and stadium music – Johnny B. Bup says again.

– Unfortunately, it’s not the only thing you don’t understand…- Johnny B. Cool attacks him sarcastically.

– What would you say? – Johnny B. Bup asks him.

– Have you ever wondered why they keep you locked in the kitchen? – answers B. Cool.

– What do you have to say about who works in the kitchen? – Johnny Stand By asks threatening.

– I’m not talking to you! – answers Johnny B. Cool.

– I suggest you to get out of here with your legs – replies peremptorily B. Bup, brandishing the knife with which he was shredding herbs for sautéed.

 

I feel I have to participate immediately: – Hey, stop it!

I looked at Johnny B. Cool: – Johnny, what the matter? You’re making a mess…you have to apologize to everyone, Johnny…

 

Silence falls in the kitchen of Johnny’s pub. All four askance each other. Their faces are serious, proud. Then Johnny B. Cool interrups the quiet: – Ok, guys … I exaggerated. I ask …to everyone…

– What? – asks Johnny Stand By.

– I SAID I APOLOGISE YOU ALL! – shouts Johnny B. Cool.

– Ok – ends Johnny Stand By.

– But – adds Johnny B. Cool – one thing must be clear: I don’t like the Queen…

 

 

POSTS FROM THE JOHNNY’S PUB

  1. Introduction
  2. Pete Townshend
  3. Keith Richards
  4. John Lee Hooker
  5. Janis Joplin
  6. Chuck Berry
  7. Patti Smith
  8. Syd Barret
  9. Debbie Harry
  10. Cheeta
  11. Mick Jagger
  12. Keith Richards, James Brown, John Belushi
  13. Stuart Sutcliffe
  14. Keith Richards 2
  15. Sgt. Pepper
  16. The diabetic guitarist
  17. Bob Marley
  18. Queen
  19. The quick tempered guitarist

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