Feel like home


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In the last few years I have had the distress of a long list of things I don't like to do, with the consequence I don't know what satisfied me. Only now I can understand what I want, I suddenly realized it or maybe I always knew it and I didn't see it.

There are days similar to a detachment from freedom, because the rhythms your heart has to resist seem unbearable and you think you don't have time for the spaces you love.

By nature, I've always become familiar with the corners than the roundness. Sometimes it happens to me to be in a place hoping to leave it as soon as possible. Typical feeling of who is inadequate, dissatisfied, unrealized. I felt I was in the cage, pressed in schedules and depressed by the torments. Work absorbed all my time, my energies, and I've always been indifferent.

For habit I walk fast, stacking up asphalt without looking around me. One afternoon, while I walked through a carpet of yellow leaves along the streets of my area, I thought about all this. I felt that walking, I disposed of the accumulated frustration. I stopped myself in the square gardens. Old men was playing cards. Dogs were running across the flowerbeds. A little girl was learning to ride a bicycle and a group of caregivers was talking pushing the wheelchair of the assisted disabled. Secluded, near the trees, two teenagers exchanging romance. If it was an impressionist painting, its name would be "late afternoon". I breathed deeply and I relaxed myself. All that life was flowing in front of my eyes and I was inside it just watching it.

I stood up from the bench and continued my walk. I arrived in front of my first home, not far from the current one, and I was staring at the small balcony. the clothes was hanging and the window was well-lighted. I always used to pass it without thinking I had lived there in the early years of my childhood. I felt in perfect balance on an imaginary axis. I was at home.

Now I like rest myself looking at the living terraces full of plants. Walking by the bakeries by tasting the sweet scent which blends with the salad one. Breathe the atmosphere of city farmer's market. read on the benches at the park. I am delighted with the presence of excellent pizzerias and the certainty of continuing to try them without deciding which one is the best one. It keeps me alive, all this life I had never calculated, what I want is here - it's always been here - around me, a place to get rid of my tortures, making my life a piece of art.



© ENRICO MATTIOLI 2017




© Enrico Mattioli 2017